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Found on a site that cannot be named. [09 Nov 2011|07:23pm]
3rd grade
Teacher makes non-tards escort tards to bathroom
Of course she picks me to take tard-Nate to the bathroom
Wait outside
10 minutes go by
Walk in
Sitting in urinal, covered in feces
It took a fucking crane to get him out.

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[06 Apr 2011|04:17pm]
Think there's enough good Voyager episodes to cull together a marathon? Maybe a short one?

Working from memory:
- The Q suicide one.
- The Sulu flashback one.
- The Maquis rebellion hologram one.
- Year of Hell. Shitloads of time-travel.
- First meeting with the Borg.
- The one with Andy Dick and the badass Federation warship.

Voyager. I've gotta do something to get this Star Trek kick out of my system. Something extreme. Not in the fun to the x-treme way, either.

This Welch's super deluxe banner ad is a blight. I've never had to x out a popup TEN TIMES on the same tab. Livejournal is like a beached whale refusing to be rolled back into the ocean.
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[05 Apr 2011|11:52am]
The secret to a perfect Bloody Mary, according to my dream last night? Half a stick of Puperoni. Torn end down, so the meat really mingles with the drink.

Couldn't make those disgusting fucking things any worse.
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[31 Dec 2009|06:02pm]
This keeps happening. I keep laughing.
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Big Weekend [21 Sep 2009|07:40am]

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[31 Aug 2009|07:05pm]
This is not the Times-Squaring of Marvel. Disney does not Disney-fy everything they own. They let Ellen come out as a lesbian, way back when. And Kill Bill, released by Disney-owned Miramax, wasn't what anyone would call sanitized.

Jeff Parker, writer of Marvel's superlative Agents of Atlas, has made the most sense:

"“I doubt Disney spent $4 billion to take Marvel apart. From what I can tell, their corporation likes to think of the consuming public as age-ranges to meet with a brand. I would guess they see Marvel as the brand that teens and young adults who are emerging from their all-ages market would go to next."

And I'm sure no one at all at either Disney or Marvel is thinking about it, but what does this mean for Howard the Duck? Back in the 70s, Disney threatened to sue Marvel, saying Howard looked too close to Donald. Marvel shat themselves and agreed to not only redesign Howard, but to lock themselves in to the Disney-approved redisign, which of course was abominable: stupid pants, grotesque bill, shitty shit shit. And that's how Howard has looked ever since. (full story here, towards the bottom)

Until now? Can Howard go back to not looking like ass? I hope so. Though it's a damn shame Steve Gerber didn't live to see it.

Deep breaths, everyone. Remember, Pixar is Disney too. Nothing ruined there.

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Johnny is human; yet a torch. [10 Aug 2009|08:37pm]
so sorr
find a babies leg and fake it
about the same size

ewwwwwwww yet gross
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[06 Jul 2009|07:57am]
Michael Jackson to be Buried Without His Brain

As the late King of Pop's family prepares for the singer's funeral on Tuesday, they have been told his brain would be held back for tests. 

The family was given the choice of either waiting up to three weeks for Jackson's brain to be returned to them or go ahead and bury him without it - which they have decided to do. 

Los Angeles Coroner's spokesman Craig Harvey said that neuropathology tests are going to be conducted to see if it holds any clues to the exact cause of his death. 

However, the examination cannot start until at least two weeks after the death when the brain has hardened sufficiently to slice it open. 

(h/t: Rick Emerson, again)
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Democrats and Other Retards: [26 May 2009|07:15pm]
Obama, as you know, has named his Supreme Court nominee. I know many of you are worried that the big, scary right-wing conspiracy is going to launch another of its vicious smear campaigns against soon-to-be Justice Sotomayor, spreading all stripe of fib and slander. Like we do.

Fear not. We know how hard it gets out there for a woman, trying to break the glass ceiling and everything. We'll play nice.

In fact, we'll treat her with no less than the same tact, fairness, due praise, and respect you gave Sarah Palin last year.

Rest assured.

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Available for the next 9 hours on teefury.com [17 May 2009|11:37am]

Once again, that's teefury.com.
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[24 Apr 2009|07:49am]
Undermining our efforts to prevent the next 9/11 to protect terrorists? Yes.

Lifting a damn finger to protect two American journalists on trial in the batshit-craziest regime in recorded history? No.
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[21 Apr 2009|09:52pm]
oh, hey, Rip City, and stuff.
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news recap [20 Apr 2009|07:16am]
1. Khalid Mohamed was waterboarded 183 times? I'm all for torturing these assfags, but don't they wise up to the fake-drowning gag after, oh, the first 20 times? Waterboarding's returns-- for information, or even the sheer fun of it-- have to diminish by the century mark. Right?

2. In 1996, Nike promoted a "Ken Griffey, Jr. for President" ad campaign, releasing "Griffey in '96" buttons and a TV commercial featuring Penny Hardaway. Of course, Griffey could not take office as he was only 27 at the time; the Constitution requires the President to be at least 35. Thus the first election cycle which would be constitutionally permissible would be the 2008 election.

Wikipedia: Awesome and retarded. Sometimes awesomely retarded.

3. Axelrod suggests 'Tea Party' movement is 'unhealthy'

The headline is technically correct, but uninformative. Better copy would be "Obama Aide Neglects to Adequately Veil Threats Against Dissenters."

4. I shouldn't have read this. Heated abortion debate poisons my entire week.
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For Luke? [12 Apr 2009|08:19pm]

Maybe he's seen it already? Maybe I showed him and forgot?
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[20 Mar 2009|07:55am]
Friends and family keep telling me I'm not funny. I think my latest volley of Tweets disproves that once and for all.

brizoni Weird spike of math nerd snobbery at XKCD today. The "B" is all the differentiating context "billion" needs from "million," homey.
less than 5 seconds ago from web

brizoni Ooh, 69 updates. Nastay.
less than 5 seconds ago from web

brizoni But now it's 70.
less than 5 seconds ago from web

brizoni 71.
less than 5 seconds ago from web

brizoni 72.. 3!
less than 5 seconds ago from web
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SPD FTW [17 Mar 2009|07:44am]
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[15 Mar 2009|08:41pm]
The low one in stereos of the car warped the Kids' the untiring pornography of the computer of the appreciation of music approximately in the same way warped its sexuality. They don' t hears music, them feels it. It' tactile s. E the low one in the majority (because it triturates words, Zoni? It' s ALL) stroke wasn' of the daily pay-Gangsta; t projected to be tactile, as soon as only sounds as the mud in the cars where you couldn' t hears a meteor to hit on secondary woofer.

This entrance was typed in Babelfish. Translated the Portuguese, then in return to the English. How much meant it will survive to the trip? Not very.

I knew Babelfish would twist "sub" into "secondary"! I knew it!

I'm starting new blogs on Blogger and WordPress. They'll be mirrors of the livejournal until I think of something else to do with them.

Then why start them at all, you ask? I wanted to have accounts to comment on blog systems other than Blogger (would have signed up with TypePad, but it costs money! Can you believe it? Paying for a service?). True, I could have just gotten accounts and not blogged, but that feels too much like squatting.
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[14 Mar 2009|09:47pm]
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[13 Mar 2009|08:13am]
THE Questionnaire.

Side effects include: Chills, nausea, shortness of breath, thumping of heart, trembling of fist.

(It has a title, but I've taken to calling it "THE questionnaire." In fact, I've very recently shortened it to just "The." You don't even need to specify any further. The.)
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Blazers 111, Lakers 94 [09 Mar 2009|10:32pm]
They put one of our guys in the hospital, and they STILL couldn't stop us!

Color me won over, Blazers. I'm all in.
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